When the night no longer feels restorative

Night-time hot flushes rarely arrive at a convenient time.

They don’t ask whether tomorrow is important, whether you need to get up early, drive, work, smile at people, answer emails, or simply be a normal human at breakfast.

They arrive like uninvited guests.

At first you’re asleep. Then suddenly you’re hot, as if someone switched on a small heater inside you. The doona feels heavy. You pyjamas stick to your skin. The hair at the back of your neck is damp. You throw the covers off, trying to catch cooler air, and a few minutes later you’re cold again, searching for the edge of the doona.

And somewhere in the dark a very human thought appears:

“Why now?”

In the morning, the alarm behaves rudely. It doesn’t take into account how many times you woke up, how many times you flipped the pillow to the cool side, or how long you talked yourself into falling asleep again.

The day begins, and your body already feels a little tired.

When this happens often, the night stops being a quiet harbour and becomes a small lottery: will you get sleep tonight, or will you be negotiating again with the doona, the pillow, and your own temperature?

When poor sleep follows you into the day

Over the years, I’ve seen many times how poor sleep changes a woman not only at night, but during the day as well. She comes to training and says, “Irina, I’m not myself today.” And I can see it isn’t laziness or personality. Her body simply hasn’t recovered.

On days like that, I don’t push and I don’t demand that she “pull herself together”. We adjust the load: more gentle movement, technique, breathing, mobility, and a little less intensity. And often, by the end of the session, she says, “I feel better. I can actually get through this day.”

And it matters to say this: your body is not broken. It’s going through a transition, and you can support it.

During perimenopause and menopause, hot flushes and night sweats really can disrupt sleep. For some women it’s mild, for others it becomes a serious challenge. But “just tolerate it” is a poor plan.

In these months, the body often becomes more sensitive. Not only to the temperature of the room, but also to how the day went: whether there was a lot of stress, whether you ate calmly, whether training was too late, and whether you truly slowed down in the evening.

That’s why the first step isn’t to urgently ban everything and start living by a list of “don’ts”. The first step is to observe calmly: after which evenings does the night become more restless, and after which evenings does your body fall asleep and recover more easily?

Observe the pattern without blaming yourself

Sometimes a woman says, “It must be the age-related hormone changes.” And yes, in perimenopause and menopause they really can affect sleep. But sleep rarely depends on one factor only. It’s like delicate fabric: pull one thread during the day, and at night the whole fabric sits differently.

Maybe it isn’t one specific coffee, dinner, or workout. Maybe it’s the overall evening rhythm. The body held itself together all day, answered, solved, tolerated, rushed, and then at night it finally said, “I can’t go this fast anymore.”

That’s why what helps here isn’t strict control, but gentle investigation. Not “I’m not allowed anything anymore”, but “Let’s see what my body is trying to tell me.”

For one week, don’t turn yourself into a strict controller. Become a kind researcher. Simply notice what the evening was like and what the night became. Was the day tense? Did you slow down before bed? Did you feel overheated? How did you wake up?

Not to find someone to blame, but to notice patterns.

Sometimes small adjustments bring real relief.

Light sleepwear. A cooler room. Water next to the bed. Layers instead of one heavy doona. An evening walk instead of intense training. Your phone away from the pillow. A few long exhales if you wake up and your brain starts writing a dramatic script for tomorrow.

Breathing won’t cancel a hot flush. But it can help you avoid turning a wake-up into a night-time meeting with anxiety.

Adjust the load instead of fighting the body

Movement matters here too. But after 40, it works better not as a heroic effort, but as a setting: a bit of strength, a bit of mobility, a bit of walking, a bit of recovery. Not to prove something to yourself, but to help your body feel supported again.

Strength work brings stability back. Mobility helps reduce stiffness. Walking calms the nervous system. And the right training rhythm creates a feeling of, “I can do this again.”

If the night was bad, it doesn’t mean the day is lost. It may mean a heavy workout isn’t the right choice that day. Your body may do better with a walk, gentle mobility, light technique work, breathing, and recovery. This isn’t weakness. It’s self-respect.

In my work with women after 40, I often repeat this: we don’t train separately from life. We train with life. If a woman slept poorly, had a stressful week, arrives tired or anxious, the program should reflect that.

A good plan isn’t the one that looks perfect on paper. It’s the one that helps a woman move regularly, safely, and without feeling like she has to constantly push through herself.

Because your body is not the enemy. It isn’t trying to ruin your life. It’s simply living in new conditions, where old habits sometimes stop working as well as they used to.

And the good news is that these new conditions don’t require a fight. They require attention. A little more coolness at night, a little more calm in the evening, a little more honesty about training load, and a little more kindness to yourself.

The night won’t always become perfect in one day. But when a woman notices, “Tonight was a little easier”, hope appears.

And hope sometimes starts very simply: with one calmer night and a morning where you have energy again.

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What you can try this week

1.     Make the bedroom cooler. Air the room, choose light sleepwear, and keep water next to the bed.

2.     Swap one heavy doona for layers. It’s easier to throw off a layer during a hot flush and warm up again afterwards.

3.     Check caffeine without drama. For 7days, keep coffee to the morning or the first half of the day and see if sleep changes.

4.     Try 7–10 days without alcohol as an experiment. Not as punishment, but as observation. Are there fewer wake-ups, less heat, less sweating, and less morning exhaustion?

5.     Move intense training earlier. In the evening, keep it to a walk, gentle mobility, stretching, or calm breathing.

6.     After a bad night, adjust the load. Don’t cancel movement completely, but make it softer: a walk, light strength, recovery.

7.     Don’t pick up your phone after waking. Bright light and news rarely help the body fall asleep again.

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Sources and what they support

Healthdirect Australia — Hot flushes due to menopause — Supports that hot flushes can affect sleep, and if they disrupt daily life or night sleep, it’s worth discussing support options with a doctor.

Jean Hailes — How to manage menopausal symptoms — Supports that hot flushes and night sweats are common menopause symptoms, and practical supports can include cooling, relaxation techniques, and avoiding personal triggers.

Australasian Menopause Society — Menopause and Sleep — Supports that sleep disturbance is common during menopause, hot flushes and night sweats can disrupt sleep, and caffeine, alcohol, snoring, and possible sleep apnoe can also play a role.

Healthdirect Australia — Managing menopausal symptoms without medication — Supports that regular physical activity may not necessarily reduce hot flushes directly for everyone, but can improve quality of life during menopause.

McCurry et al., JAMA Internal Medicine / PubMed — Telephone-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia in Perimenopausal and Postmenopausal Women With Vasomotor Symptoms — Supports that telephone-based CBT-I improved sleep in peri- and postmenopausal women with insomnia and vasomotor symptoms.